Tuesday, December 5, 2006


I have not come to center yet. I am waiting for the change that will bring me to the vertex between self help and complete depravity. I need to see that God is everything. To the extent of my being nothing. Could it be that if I truely see who I am and who God is, and what God is that I am not, I will fade from the center of my mind.

This egocentric interpretation of reality constently forces me to equate self denial with self hatred. I wish that it could stop seeing a God-centered life as a life of self marginalization. For I do know that if I can make God center and myself peripheral, I too will be exhalted and glorified more than I can be by exhalting and glorifying myself. And also to the extent that I can glorify Him, I will be glorified.

How, therefore, do I truely seek go glorify God with an honest intent, when my motive is to then bring it upon myself? I search for concrete motive, and find none other. I am serving myself in serving Him, it was not my sacrifice, but His. He says to take up my cross and follow Him. It is my destiny to always follow, and I am satisfied richly in that. <><

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