Love to the Seeker

You have to understand, to a seeker, religion is like walking into a crowded room with everybody shouting "come here or you will die!" at the top of their lungs. Merely to maintain sanity, they must dismiss all of these claims as lunacy. For otherwise, which shouting voice is telling the truth? To whom should they go to avoid death? I prefer to stand and smile and when approached say, "I have found bread; come and eat." For the seeker is hungry, and I indeed have found bread.

Normal

When did we forget that the normality we find on Earth is a result of our only having memories of our terrestrial lives. If we could realize that the rest of the universe is so alien, so not normal, that we can't really understand normality, we would gain an astounding perspective. In a way, we are the aliens in a world of angels and demons and one God who in and of Himself is three. If we can step back out of our nature and our normality, I think we will find enough room to be ourselves.

Heaven after all is home of the altogether other. How can we even claim that anything our imaginations have manifested comes close to the reality of that place. I believe that hope and self and creativity are a vital fuel in our escape from the rut of reality. I intend to become both what I want to be and what God has designed me to be, for the two are the same. My desire is His promise. It is when I lose touch of my heart's true desires that I forget who God is. I am going to be myself; the me that God designed before he created reality.

Join me.

Introspect

I have not come to center yet. I am waiting for the change that will bring me to the vertex between self help and complete depravity. I need to see that God is everything. To the extent of my being nothing. Could it be that if I truely see who I am and who God is, and what God is that I am not, I will fade from the center of my mind.

This egocentric interpretation of reality constently forces me to equate self denial with self hatred. I wish that it could stop seeing a God-centered life as a life of self marginalization. For I do know that if I can make God center and myself peripheral, I too will be exhalted and glorified more than I can be by exhalting and glorifying myself. And also to the extent that I can glorify Him, I will be glorified.

How, therefore, do I truely seek go glorify God with an honest intent, when my motive is to then bring it upon myself? I search for concrete motive, and find none other. I am serving myself in serving Him, it was not my sacrifice, but His. He says to take up my cross and follow Him. It is my destiny to always follow, and I am satisfied richly in that. <><

Stop and Rest

Why do I too often concern myself with what I want? Simply, because I am selfish by nature. It seems so impractical to serve God with everything that I am, until I realize that when I do, He will make me so much more. One thing I worry about more than anything else is lack: lack of time, lack of money, lack of self interest, lack of social graces. When will I realize that if I can give it all up, I will not truely be lacking anything. I am lacking now, simply because I haven't given it all.

I wish I could be so much less self-interested and so much more God-interested. But what does that mean? Really, how does one shift one's mind to becoming more focused on Him. Perhaps it is less of a potion and more of a process. The first step of which is trust. We tend wonder, "What can I do?" It is better asked, "What can God do when we stop doing?"

It is however so easy to equate being idle with being sinful. If I stop trying to stop sinning, then I am giving up, throwing in the towel. But it could be that God wants our attention more than He wants our sinlessness. If we spend our time fighting with will alone, we will miss the wonderful lessons of grace and forgiveness that God lavishes on us when we sit still and enjoy Him.

Off Center

For truly if I live a life of central focus, I will live a life of complete depravity. Because I cannot please myself. The emptiness is in me, and by nature if I had the resources to fill it, I should have already done so. What's worse, central focus leads to a life of constant searching to make up for the depravity within. Life experience tells me that.

There is irony in this. If I am focus on my own needs and wants, I will forever be needing and wanting. But if I focus on another and meet their needs, I will be filled. What If I focus on one who is completely needless--in whom all needs are met? I will not only be filled, but as is written, will overflow. The economy of God is not one of supply and demand, but of infinite and eternal abundance.

"I know not what I appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me."

- Isaac Newton

Filfthy

I am filfthy. I am an absolute waste of God's time. Telling me I should be clean is pointless. It is even futile to tell me how to get clean. Plainly, I don't want to. I love my sin, and I am comfortable in it. The only motive I have to stop sinning, is to avoid total destruction--or perhaps pride, but I can lie to myself enough to get that. That's the way of sin, and I have been getting worse. It all fits neatly into lucifer's little wrinkled hand. Everything in my life tells me, that I am going to Hell.

But I'm not.

I have discovered that where I am is not really important. Yes, there are consequences that I can't shirk off. Such is the law of nature. But where I am is not as important than where I am facing. God's will transcends causality. The prodigal was won the moment he realized that servitude for his father was better than his situation.

Justification doesn't have to be seen or felt or realized by us. Our Father sees and feels and realizes it when he looks at us as we walk over the hill toward His house. Then He runs to us and embraces us and rejoices. Salvation is not gained by earning, or working, or trying, or proving anything. It is gained by walking over that hill. Here, I'll join you. Let's go. <><

Wow

Being forever in His presence will be forever saying "Wow" and nothing more. He is vast enough that we can wonder in his mere presence for all of eternity. <><

Manifesto

I think that the absolute greatest thing is when a worthless sinner steps out into the darkness and decides to change the world. Not to find his worth or purpose, but to find heaven. Heaven is now. It is all around us. We are just blind to it. We can't see past the pain to the glory set before us as a never ending feast. Oh, can't you see it. It is so beautiful. It is right there. Just reach out.

Do not wait to die to live.

Logos

Speak to me like you used to before the world fell apart. Before the dragon of time swallowed our union. Before you left and laid me to rest among the traffic of earth. Speak true fragrent words laden with tears of joy; Inspired by nostalgia and hope; Entwined in the radience of our fellowship. Speak to me with words that cut, Ensair, Restore. Remind me of our past when things were real; When you and I were black and white and life made sence. Devour me with your words; That I may be consumed in their fire. Speak to me before it is to late. Before I destroy myself; In want of your direction. I die of thirst for you.

Naive

I strive to reach an ideal that is you; Even a life without pain is a torture if it doesn't contain you. Every Joy is you; Every pain is a lack of you; Every longing is a longing for you alone. Just disguised in iniquity. My passion is an imperfect passion for you. Please, perfect it.